Libby's Place, Inc.
For many of us, spending time with family during the holidays is something straight out of a Hallmark movie with days filled with comfort and joy. But for others, the holidays with family are scarier than Halloween. From the stress of traveling to the pressure of buying and wrapping gifts, and the fact many family […]
For many of us, spending time with family during the holidays is something straight out of a Hallmark movie with days filled with comfort and joy. But for others, the holidays with family are scarier than Halloween. From the stress of traveling to the pressure of buying and wrapping gifts, and the fact many family members can’t be in the same room with each other without a fight erupting, holidays can be stressful!
While you can’t necessarily stop family drama from occurring, there are some simple and effective ways you can deal with it:
So much of the pain of the holidays comes from having unrealistic expectations. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Acknowledge beforehand that you and your family are human and that there may be those moments that aren’t very pleasant and that’s okay. Life and families are messy. Recognize it, own it and you’ll find you won’t get as upset.
Time spent with families over the holidays can also trigger us to feel like children all over again, essentially helpless. But you are an adult now and you are not helpless. You can set those boundaries to protect your mental health. Determine before you go what you will tolerate and what you won’t. This can be for simple things like meal times and sleeping accommodations to what topics of discussion you will engage in. Be sure to share your personal limits with all involved.
When the holiday drama sets in, it’s easy to want to drink more or eat more processed foods. But in large amounts, alcohol and processed sugars impair our mood and judgement. Do your best to not overindulge.
You may also want to speak with a therapist in the weeks leading up to the holidays. He or she can give you tools to help you navigate the awkward and tense moments during family get-togethers.
If you’re interested in exploring counseling, please reach out to me. I’d love to help your holidays be warm and merry (or at least tolerable!).
SOURCES:
https://www.hioscar.com/blog/10-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-holiday-family-drama
https://brainmd.com/blog/how-to-avoid-family-drama-during-the-holidays/
How to deal with toxic family members during the happiest time of year
People often speak of grief in terms of losing a loved one, but did you know it can also result from the loss of a job? It’s true. When you lose a job—especially one that you enjoyed and planned to stay at well into the future—it can cause you to question your self-worth. Jobs provide […]
People often speak of grief in terms of losing a loved one, but did you know it can also result from the loss of a job? It’s true. When you lose a job—especially one that you enjoyed and planned to stay at well into the future—it can cause you to question your self-worth. Jobs provide routine and structure to our lives, and without one, you may end up feeling directionless. You might also feel lonely now that you no longer have regular interactions with your former colleagues. And this is all on top of the financial concerns that come with losing a job.
Luckily, there’s good news—your grief won’t last forever, and there are steps you can take to shorten the time until it passes. You should:
We specialize in healing from loss, and we’ve worked with many patients who were struggling to cope with the loss of a job. Contact us today to schedule a therapy session. We’ll be happy to answer your questions and tell you more about our practice and the services we offer.
With movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp, more attention has been given to sexual misconduct and harassment in the workplace and world in general. If you are the target of a coworker’s sexist behavior or comments, here’s how you can address it in a professional yet clear manner: Find Your Voice While I know it seems […]
With movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp, more attention has been given to sexual misconduct and harassment in the workplace and world in general. If you are the target of a coworker’s sexist behavior or comments, here’s how you can address it in a professional yet clear manner:
Find Your Voice
While I know it seems unlikely, there is always the small chance a coworker may not know the remarks he sometimes makes are viewed as sexist or negative in any way. In other words, they’re more ignorant or lacking self-awareness than they are a purposeful aggressor. Be sure to speak up and share your thoughts and feelings, letting the offender know his offensive behavior is not appreciated. While you may feel anger or other strong feelings inside, try to be a bigger person than your coworker. Instead of using an outburst (as warranted as it may feel), focus on clear communication as a first step toward resolving the issue.
Treat the Guilty Party Like a Child
Often the guilty party is not an evil person hellbent on making your life miserable. They are simply thoughtless and have a different point of view as you. When they let a sexist comment fly or act inappropriately, try to react as you would to a misbehaving child who doesn’t have the context to understand his own actions. Don’t get mad – point out the behavior, make it clear it is unacceptable, and move on with business like the professional you are.
Say “No” More
Are you often asked to take notes during a meeting or be the one to go for the coffee and muffin run? Does it feel like this is because your mostly-male coworkers think those kinds of tasks are women’s work?
It is your right to say ‘no’ more often. For example, you can say something like, “I took notes the last couple of meetings, how about Frank does it this week?” or “I’m happy to be a team player, as I’m sure all of you are, so how about someone else get the coffee this week as I’ve done it the past three times.” Again, it’s important to speak calmly and factually.
Document Everything
It’s possible that all of your efforts may do little to dissuade the guilty party or parties. In these instances, it’s important that you document all the offensive incidents, what was said and by whom, and the day and date. Make copies for yourself and head to HR with a copy.
Follow Up
If no ramifications or corrections of behavior occur, follow up with your HR department to determine what measures they plan to take. Stay the course and see it through to the end to make sure the message is clear – that message being sexist comments and behavior will NOT be tolerated.
If you are a victim of sexual misconduct and would like to speak to someone about it, please be in touch. I would be happy to discuss how I might be able to help.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/minding-memory/201712/sexual-harassment-in-the-workplace
https://www.newsweek.com/seven-practical-ways-combat-workplace-sexism-feminist-fight-club-498751
Unfortunately, being a survivor of trauma or abuse is exceedingly common. According to the National Children’s Alliance, nearly 700,000 children are abused in the U.S. annually. And according to the Center for Disease Control’s 2017 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, nearly 1 in 4 adult women and approximately 1 in 7 adult men […]
Unfortunately, being a survivor of trauma or abuse is exceedingly common. According to the National Children’s Alliance, nearly 700,000 children are abused in the U.S. annually. And according to the Center for Disease Control’s 2017 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, nearly 1 in 4 adult women and approximately 1 in 7 adult men report having experienced severe physical violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime.
While it is challenging to be a survivor of abuse, the journey to a place of peace and acceptance can be an empowering one. No matter if the abuse you endured was recent or long ago, a daily self-care regimen will help you cope with what still affects you today.
1. Quality Sleep
Ensuring you have adequate sleep on a nightly basis is an essential component of maintaining optimum physical, mental, and emotional health. Fundamentally, your body needs regular rest to operate properly. A good night’s sleep will uplift your mood and energy, improve your memory and help keep stress levels at a minimum.
2. Meditate
Setting aside just five to ten minutes a day for some quiet reflection can help boost your immune system, manage stress, help you focus, and boost your mood, to name just a few of the many health benefits. Find an easy or beginner meditation to follow with a Google search, smartphone app, or the free meditation exercises available on YouTube.
3. Exercise
Finding some forms of enjoyable exercise will help you feel more energized. Exercise is also a great physical outlet to release pent-up emotions you likely have as a result of your abuse or trauma. Try taking up walking, jogging, yoga or anything you enjoy. Don’t force yourself to do anything wholly unpleasant or push yourself too hard; exercise is an act of self-care, not a punishment.
4. Positive Affirmations
It’s all too common for abuse survivors to feel shame about it and blame themselves; for that reason, it’s important to program yourself with positive thoughts and beliefs. You can tell yourself, for example: “I am valuable,” “I am worthy,” “I am capable,” “I am strong,” “I am intelligent.” Pinpoint negative self-talk and counter those thoughts with positive affirmations.
5. Support
Engage your support system by calling a friend or family member, joining a support group and/or finding a therapist. If your support system is lacking, use a smartphone app or the Meetup website to find a local, like-minded group and make some new friends. Sharing your struggles with people who understand and care about your well-being is an important aspect of your healing journey.
Are you a survivor of trauma or abuse? A licensed mental health professional can help you so you don’t have to go through this alone. Give our office a call today so we can set up a time to talk.
SOURCES
http://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org/media-room/nca-digital-media-kit/national-statistics-on-child-abuse/
According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2018 data, the average age of marriage in the country is at its highest: men’s average age at first marriage is 29.8, while women’s average age at first marriage is 27.8. As the gap between adolescence and marriage widens, uncommitted sexual encounters are on the rise. Call it a […]
According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2018 data, the average age of marriage in the country is at its highest: men’s average age at first marriage is 29.8, while women’s average age at first marriage is 27.8. As the gap between adolescence and marriage widens, uncommitted sexual encounters are on the rise.
Call it a one-night stand, a hookup, “friends with benefits,” or “Netflix and chill” – all these terms are synonymous with a casual sexual encounter, which according to a 2014 study published in the Journal of Sex Research has had a modest increase in frequency since 1988. As casual sex grows in popularity, the question of its effects on an individual’s mental health are a subject of debate and conflicting data.
Several studies conducted over the last 10 years have shown inconsistent results. Some studies indicate that most individuals report an increase in self-confidence and a decrease in depressive symptoms after casual sex, while other reports indicate the exact opposite. The only consistent findings in these studies has been that, despite what might be commonly believed, women were not more likely to be negatively impacted by casual sex encounters than men.
While there are no clear indicators on whether casual sex is good or bad for your mental health, there are several factors that may play a part in how it could affect you individually.
Religious Beliefs & Upbringing
If you were raised with a strict upbringing or with strict religious beliefs that have resulted in your association of sex with shame or guilt, you may be negatively impacted by a casual sexual encounter.
Motives
If your motives for casual sex are, for instance, to get back at an ex or to please another person, this may result in a negative impact. On the other hand, if your motive is for the pleasure or fun of it, or to explore your sexuality (in other words, for your own sake), you may be less likely to have negative feelings afterwards.
Consumption of Drugs or Alcohol
Consumption of drugs or alcohol can lower your inhibitions and potentially cause you to make regrettable decisions such as participating in unsafe sex, or choosing a partner that you otherwise would not choose. It also can cause you to have gaps in your memory of the experience, or not remember it at all.
There is no definitive right or wrong answer on how a casual sexual encounter will affect your mental health. Every individual is unique and complex, and how your mental health may or may not be affected is exclusive to you. It’s up to you to decide what will or won’t work best for you.
Do you find yourself questioning your sexual behavior, and need someone you can talk to about your thoughts and feelings? A licensed mental health professional specializing in sexual issues can help. Call my office today, and let’s set up a time to talk.
When we’re school aged, it’s easy to make friends. But as adults, women can sometimes feel on-guard around other women, especially in the workplace, and friendships can be harder to foster. Not only does this lack of friendship make going to work each day feel more challenging, but studies have found friendships, or a lack […]
When we’re school aged, it’s easy to make friends. But as adults, women can sometimes feel on-guard around other women, especially in the workplace, and friendships can be harder to foster. Not only does this lack of friendship make going to work each day feel more challenging, but studies have found friendships, or a lack of friendships, has a big impact on our overall health and well-being.
Here are some ways you can foster real friendships with other women at work.
Make it a Priority
It’s easy to tell yourself you’d like to make friends with the women you work with but following up on that impulse takes real effort. The journey of friendship is one you must commit to and nurture. Ask a coworker to lunch, compliment someone on the fine job she did, and invite others into the discussions you are leading. Each day make it a priority to build a closer relationship with the women you work with.
Focus on Quality Not Quantity
Depending on how many female coworkers you have, you most likely won’t be able to make real and lasting friendships with all of them, and that’s okay. This is not a popularity contest where you try to get everyone to like you. This is about seeking out women with whom you have a connection and putting in the effort to form a lasting bond.
Expect Some Rejection
The truth is, there’s not a whole lot of difference between romantic dating and platonic “dating.” You may feel a connection with another woman at work and ask her out to lunch. She may say no and say it again and again.
Don’t let any form of rejection stop your efforts. Just as no one at work really knows your inner life and feelings, you don’t know anyone else’s. Some women may simply be in a bad space in their life and don’t have the energy to connect with a new person. That’s okay. Move on and keep trying. Eventually you will make a true and lasting connection.
Keep the Momentum Going
Once you’ve had that initial lunch or get-together, keep the momentum going. Building a relationship is like building a fire. It takes a bit of work to get that kindling to catch, but once it does, the bigger flames come.
Like anything else in life, friendships require our time and attention, but when you consider the value and meaning they bring to our life, they are worth the extra effort.
If you’re looking for some expert guidance on navigating the unique stressors of your work or personal life, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Sources:
https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/03/04/women-report-increased-discrimination-from-workplace-queen-bees/133258.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/working-btches/201308/why-are-some-women-nasty-other-women
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult
If you believe the many rom-coms filmed throughout the years, singles are sad, miserable, and lonely people who sit around waiting for someone to come along and “complete them.” Why has this myth been perpetuated to such gargantuan proportions? Did you know that studies have found that single people usually have more active lives than […]
Being single can be difficult at times. Dating, or trying to get dates, can be frustrating and discouraging. Meeting new people can be fun, but you might long for a close, long-term relationship with one other person. If you find yourself staring longingly at couples holding hands, it may be time to re-evaluate, and learn […]
Being single can be difficult at times. Dating, or trying to get dates, can be frustrating and discouraging. Meeting new people can be fun, but you might long for a close, long-term relationship with one other person. If you find yourself staring longingly at couples holding hands, it may be time to re-evaluate, and learn to appreciate the many benefits of single life. While being single can sometimes make you feel sad and lonely, there are times when its more beneficial for your mental health.
Many studies have shown that single people exercise more, and overall live healthier lifestyles. Whether it’s the spare time or the desire to look your best (or a combination of the two), single men and women tend to care more about their health and well-being. Exercise improves your mood by releasing endorphins and reducing cortisol, a stress hormone that can make you more susceptible to stress.
One of the best things about being single is that you have the opportunity to rediscover yourself. Your alone time will cause you to be more introspective and develop insight into what makes you happy, and what your core values are. As you take a walk through a park or enjoy a cup of coffee alone, you can re-evaluate your goals. As you learn to feel comfortable in your own company, you’ll discover that happiness comes not from another person, but from within.
Single adults have more time to network with others and develop outside friendships. You can schedule more time to be with (or make) friends, joining friends for birthdays and weekend trips that will make lifelong memories. In 2009, the Journal of the National Medical Association conducted a study that showed people without social support were more likely to suffer from anxiety or depression. Friendships reduce stress and anxiety, while increasing happiness and confidence.
As a single person, you have additional time that you can use to develop new hobbies and interests. If you’ve always wanted to join a yoga or a spin class, join a hiking group or book club, you have time to dive in to new hobbies. Research shows that participating in hobbies can improve your mood and your ability to cope with stress.
If you’re single and struggling with sadness or loneliness a licensed therapist can help. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.
Are you acting as a caregiver to a loved one? Maybe your elderly parent or a spouse or child that is battling a serious illness? According to womenshealth.gov, 36% of Americans provided unpaid care to another adult with an illness or disability in 2012, and that number has almost certainly climbed as the baby boomer […]
Are you acting as a caregiver to a loved one? Maybe your elderly parent or a spouse or child that is battling a serious illness?
According to womenshealth.gov, 36% of Americans provided unpaid care to another adult with an illness or disability in 2012, and that number has almost certainly climbed as the baby boomer population continues to age.
Acting as a caregiver to another is definitely a labor of love, but it can also take a physical, mental and emotional toll on a person. When you focus all of your energy on the needs of other people, it is entirely too easy to put your own needs on the back burner.
Here are some of the most common signs of caregiver burnout:
With so many people relying on caregivers, it’s important that these people learn to take good care of themselves!
Here are some ways you can begin practicing self-care so you don’t experience burnout:
Get More Sleep
The quantity and quality of sleep you get each night will have a huge impact on how you feel physically, mentally and emotionally. Stress can make it hard for us to get good sleep, so don’t make it any harder.
Avoid caffeinated beverages after 2 pm as well as using any digital screens at night. The blue light emitted from these devices messes with our sleep cycle. You may also want to use room-darkening curtains to make your bedroom dark in the morning so you don’t awaken too early.
Get Plenty of Exercise
All of the stress, tension, and balled-up emotions need to go somewhere, or you’re likely to become sick yourself. Exercise is a great way to work all of this… “stuff” out of you. As a bonus, your body releases endorphins after a good workout, and these chemicals give your mood a nice boost.
Eat Right
Your instinct may be to reach for sugary comfort foods but you need to stay healthy and strong. Opt for protein and healthy fats along with some organic produce.
Ask for Help
While everyone around you may refer to you as “superhuman,” the truth is, you’re just human, and you can’t handle everything by yourself ALL of the time. Ask people to help you provide care once or twice a week so that you may have a little bit of time for yourself.
Talk to Someone
If you are dealing with your own depression and anxiety, it’s important that you speak with someone who can offer coping strategies.
If you or someone you know is a caregiver that could use someone to talk to, please feel free to be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
References:
The economy in this country has been on a downward trajectory for decades now. As inflation has risen and the dollar has lost more of its value and buying power over the years, more households have required both adults to bring in an income. This, of course, means there are very few households that can […]
The economy in this country has been on a downward trajectory for decades now. As inflation has risen and the dollar has lost more of its value and buying power over the years, more households have required both adults to bring in an income. This, of course, means there are very few households that can afford to have a sole breadwinner any longer.
Traditionally, the man has been the breadwinner in the family. While this topic can get a bit heated at times, depending on the circles in which it’s discussed, the truth is that in human history, men have been responsible for protecting and providing for the family while women have been responsible for raising the children and managing the home. It has always been a part of our nature until very, very recently. You could say these roles are even natural to the human species at this point because these are the roles men and women have played for hundreds of thousands of years of our development.
So, when in the last few decades the economy has begun to tank and there has been a great push for women to join the workforce, we can now find many households where the man is NOT the sole breadwinner. In fact, according to data from the Pew Research Center, women now make up roughly 47% of the workforce in this country, which is up from 30% in 1950. And a growing number of women in heterosexual couples (31%) are the main (or only) breadwinners in their families (Geiger & Parker, 2018).
This change has left a lot of men struggling with their identity and role in society and the family unit. These feelings of insignificance, if not attended to, can lead to anxiety and depression.
What’s worse is that men are often told that these traditional roles are a part of the old patriarchal paradigm, a system that was created to oppress women for centuries. They are told that they should be celebrating the shift and if they don’t, then they are part of the problem.
That’s hardly fair to the vast majority of men, who are good and loving people who only want to support and take care of the family they love in the best way, and often the only way, they know how: by providing for them.
If you are a man that is suffering from depression or anxiety because you are not the sole breadwinner of your family, and maybe also not the one who earns the most, understand that it is normal, natural, and perfectly okay for you to be struggling right now.
It is also 100% okay for you to want to speak to someone about what’s going on. Men tend to not be the ones who seek therapy although they are often the ones who are hurting the most.
Please understand that it’s okay for you to need to reach out to others from time-to-time to get help for whatever issues and emotions you may be struggling with. In my practice, no one is judged. I offer a safe environment for men to work through whatever may be bothering you.
If you would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
