Libby's Place, Inc.
The economy in this country has been on a downward trajectory for decades now. As inflation has risen and the dollar has lost more of its value and buying power over the years, more households have required both adults to bring in an income. This, of course, means there are very few households that can […]
The economy in this country has been on a downward trajectory for decades now. As inflation has risen and the dollar has lost more of its value and buying power over the years, more households have required both adults to bring in an income. This, of course, means there are very few households that can afford to have a sole breadwinner any longer.
Traditionally, the man has been the breadwinner in the family. While this topic can get a bit heated at times, depending on the circles in which it’s discussed, the truth is that in human history, men have been responsible for protecting and providing for the family while women have been responsible for raising the children and managing the home. It has always been a part of our nature until very, very recently. You could say these roles are even natural to the human species at this point because these are the roles men and women have played for hundreds of thousands of years of our development.
So, when in the last few decades the economy has begun to tank and there has been a great push for women to join the workforce, we can now find many households where the man is NOT the sole breadwinner. In fact, according to data from the Pew Research Center, women now make up roughly 47% of the workforce in this country, which is up from 30% in 1950. And a growing number of women in heterosexual couples (31%) are the main (or only) breadwinners in their families (Geiger & Parker, 2018).
This change has left a lot of men struggling with their identity and role in society and the family unit. These feelings of insignificance, if not attended to, can lead to anxiety and depression.
What’s worse is that men are often told that these traditional roles are a part of the old patriarchal paradigm, a system that was created to oppress women for centuries. They are told that they should be celebrating the shift and if they don’t, then they are part of the problem.
That’s hardly fair to the vast majority of men, who are good and loving people who only want to support and take care of the family they love in the best way, and often the only way, they know how: by providing for them.
If you are a man that is suffering from depression or anxiety because you are not the sole breadwinner of your family, and maybe also not the one who earns the most, understand that it is normal, natural, and perfectly okay for you to be struggling right now.
It is also 100% okay for you to want to speak to someone about what’s going on. Men tend to not be the ones who seek therapy although they are often the ones who are hurting the most.
Please understand that it’s okay for you to need to reach out to others from time-to-time to get help for whatever issues and emotions you may be struggling with. In my practice, no one is judged. I offer a safe environment for men to work through whatever may be bothering you.
If you would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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News of pregnancy always comes with mixed emotions. For most couples, there is immediate joy, but that joy is also usually mixed with a bit of worry. And this worry isn’t for nothing as, sadly, one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage. While miscarriages are all-too-common, it doesn’t make dealing with grief and sadness […]
News of pregnancy always comes with mixed emotions. For most couples, there is immediate joy, but that joy is also usually mixed with a bit of worry. And this worry isn’t for nothing as, sadly, one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
While miscarriages are all-too-common, it doesn’t make dealing with grief and sadness any easier for anyone involved. It can be very difficult for us to know how to respond to a friend or loved one who has recently experienced a miscarriage.
As a therapist, I have worked with many couples who have experienced a pregnancy loss and I have learned appropriate ways to interact with them during their time of grief.
The majority of miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. This is when the baby is referred to as, medically speaking, an “embryo.” To the grieving parents, this is much more than an end to an embryo, it is the death of a son or daughter who they have perhaps been trying so hard to have for many years. There are far too many emotions involved in miscarriage and it’s important to always keep a fuller picture in mind.
Many women feel guilty after a miscarriage. They assume they have done something wrong. Science doesn’t really understand why miscarriages happen. A woman may take excellent care of her health and still experience a miscarriage. It’s important to reassure her that she has done nothing wrong. It’s equally important to let her know that it is okay to grieve.
Mothers-to-be, for obvious reasons, get all of the attention after a miscarriage. But both male and female partners of these women are hurting as well. Not only have they been hit with the initial loss, but they must also summon extra strength and keep things together while their partner grieves.
If you or a loved one has suffered a miscarriage and would like to speak to someone about your loss and to work through the grieving process, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may help.
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Relationships can enrich our lives, but they can also cause damage. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other, any relationship comes with its share of challenges. And more often than not, putting in the effort to resolve relational issues can and does result in a healthier bond. But there are those relationships that, […]
Relationships can enrich our lives, but they can also cause damage. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other, any relationship comes with its share of challenges. And more often than not, putting in the effort to resolve relational issues can and does result in a healthier bond.
But there are those relationships that, no matter the amount of work and goodwill put into them, will never bring a return on your time or heart investment. These relationships are toxic, and they need to be ended in order for you to heal and move on.
There are More Negative Interactions Than Positive Ones
Every relationship has its good interactions and its not-so-good ones. But there are those relationships that seem like every interaction is tense and filled with negative emotions. When communication becomes difficult or impossible, the relationship is beyond fixing.
Vastly Different Needs
In the beginning of a new friendship or romance, it’s easy to try and compromise with one another, making certain both person’s needs are being met. Over time, some friends or couples realize their needs are too different.
For instance, in a romantic couple, someone may need more sex than the other. Someone may need to always be in control or have a need to lie. These kinds of clashing needs are a red flag for any relationship.
A Blatant Lack of Respect
Respect is essential in relationships. But sometimes there are those individuals that seem incapable of respecting the other person, their needs, their boundaries, their wishes, etc. These people tend to be on the narcissistic spectrum and are incapable of having empathy or respect for others’ needs.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of signs, but these three are some of the most common and problematic signs.
Once you know it is time to end the relationship, you may find that your head and heart waffle back and forth, wondering if you are making the right decision. This is why it’s always a good idea to have someone in your corner you can rely on to give you honest feedback, sound advice, and clarity.
Sometimes you can find this champion in your network of friends and family, but other times it might be best to find a totally neutral third party. Someone you never have to wonder whether they are “just saying that” because they love and care about me.
A therapist can help you navigate your intense emotions and make the best decision for your happiness and peace of mind.
If you are currently struggling in a relationship and would like some help navigating it, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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In my time as a marriage counselor, there is probably one statement I have heard more than any other, and that is, “I just don’t think I will ever get over this.” This statement is often said by my clients who have recently learned their spouse has had an affair. The second most common phrase […]
In my time as a marriage counselor, there is probably one statement I have heard more than any other, and that is, “I just don’t think I will ever get over this.” This statement is often said by my clients who have recently learned their spouse has had an affair. The second most common phrase I hear is, “I just don’t think I can ever trust them again.”
The initial shock of infidelity cuts deep. Knowing your partner has broken your trust in such a profound way can completely turn your world upside down.
Whether or not a couple can recover from infidelity depends on the two individuals and the bond they have already built. It also depends on the exact circumstances of the affair. Was it a drunken one-night stand on a business trip or an affair that lasted for years? Were love and intimacy involved, or was it merely a physical occurrence?
What I can tell you is that for those couples who want to try and stay together, it will take work on both of their parts. But healing can happen.
Recovery must begin with an absolute ending to the affair. All ties must be cut before the work can begin. Should the affair continue behind the scenes, in my experience, the relationship is very unlikely to succeed.
The second step to recovery is for the deceiver to be able to move past defensiveness and guilt so they make talk openly and transparently about what happened. This is a time when the “guilty” party will have to be humble, acknowledge their wrong-doings, and answer their partner’s questions.
Next, there must be a shared understanding of what led to the affair in the first place. Were there issues in the marriage that led to the affair? If so, these will need to be tackled.
In order for the deceived spouse or partner to be able to begin healing, they will need to feel genuine compassion from their partner for having caused them pain. There is typically a knee-jerk reaction to not want to accept the cheater’s apologies or compassion. This can be seen as a way to “get back.” But understand that doing so only holds you back from healing.
The person that was deceived will also need to explore all of their feelings surrounding the betrayal. Usually shock, rage, fear, sadness, and distrust are the main emotions a person will need to work through.
At a certain point, you both will need to decide whether you will stay together. If you choose to, you will need to work on rebuilding that trust.
As you can see, the process of recovery is a complex one and will require that you work with a marriage counselor to help you navigate the strong emotions involved. But, through commitment and work, many couples can stay together and even have a stronger bond than they did before.
If you would like to seek counseling for infidelity, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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Sex is a big part of life. Sex sells. Sex is everywhere. From the time we hit puberty until the time we take our last breath, sex is on our mind a LOT! But what do we really understand about sex? Not the mechanics of it, but the WHY of it. What makes us want […]
Sex is a big part of life. Sex sells. Sex is everywhere. From the time we hit puberty until the time we take our last breath, sex is on our mind a LOT!
But what do we really understand about sex? Not the mechanics of it, but the WHY of it. What makes us want to have sex?
The truth is, there are myriad reasons we want to have sex with someone: to feel emotional intimacy, to express love, because of lustful attraction, or to simply experience some physical pleasure ourselves. These are positive motivations for wanting to have sex.
But not all motivations for sex are positive. There are also what are called “avoidance” motivations. These usually refer to a desire to stop or prevent something. So for example, a person may decide to have sex with their partner to STOP them from having an affair or leaving the relationship.
Sex is far more complex than we think. Dr. Rosemary Basson has studied human sexuality for years and concluded that sexuality is nonlinear. Her work acknowledges that human desire can be both responsive and spontaneous. Her work also points to the fact that human beings are aroused by various stimuli and we all have a wide range of motivations for desiring sex.
Sexual dysfunction occurs in both men and women and can present itself in different ways. Some people find they have no libido, or no desire to have sex. Other people may have the initial desire, but cannot physically get aroused for the actual sex act. Still, others have difficulty achieving orgasm.
Sexual dysfunction occurs because of a variety of reasons. There may be physical pain involved with sexual intercourse or a chronic condition such as diabetes or hormonal imbalances that affect how the body reacts to sexual stimulation.
There are also psychological causes such as stress, depression and anxiety, feelings of shame and low self-worth that may cause a person to have no sexual desire.
If you are suffering from sexual dysfunction and would like to speak to a therapist, please be in touch with me. A healthy sex life is necessary for our overall well-being.
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When I first started my practice, I remember reading a statistic about divorce that I found shocking. And that was that 40-50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce. According to recent surveys, however, the divorce rate in the U.S. fell by 18% between 2008 and 2016. While everyone has their theory […]
When I first started my practice, I remember reading a statistic about divorce that I found shocking. And that was that 40-50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce.
According to recent surveys, however, the divorce rate in the U.S. fell by 18% between 2008 and 2016. While everyone has their theory as to why the rate is falling, the theory among therapists is that it is because marriage counseling actually works, and more couples are giving it a try.
If you and your spouse are experiencing difficulties, here are some reasons why you should give marriage counseling a try:
One of the biggest benefits of seeking counseling is having help seeing negative behavioral patterns, whether those patterns are yours as individuals and/or as a couple. Healing can only begin once patterns have been recognized.
A therapist is not like a friend or family member who is going to take sides and hand out potentially harmful advice. Marriage counselors have a track record of dealing with all sorts of marital issues and want to understand what’s going on so they can offer the best strategies for healing.
Marriage counseling offers both spouses a safe space to be completely open and honest with their feelings. If not delivered in the right space, complete honesty can have adverse effects. Counseling offers a safe environment in which no one is ever judged.
Trust is the bedrock of every relationship. But when that trust is broken, as it is through infidelity, it is hard to put the pieces back together. Marriage counselors have years of experience dealing with issues of infidelity. Counseling explores different ways to rebuild trust one step at a time.
Did you know that trapped toxic emotions are one of the main reasons marriages break down? When you have feelings of anger, resentment and frustration locked deep inside you, they fester there and make matters worse. Counseling offers the space and opportunity to let these emotions out in healthy, respectful ways.
If your relationship is on the rocks right now, divorce is not your only solution. Thousands of couples have been helped by marriage counseling and it’s worth it to you both to give it a shot.
If you’d like to explore counseling, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
“Try, try again…” “Dust yourself off and start all over again…” “Get right back on that horse…” These are just some of the common phrases we use to support the idea that trying something after it didn’t go so well the first time is a good idea. And in many instances, this is the right […]
“Try, try again…”
“Dust yourself off and start all over again…”
“Get right back on that horse…”
These are just some of the common phrases we use to support the idea that trying something after it didn’t go so well the first time is a good idea. And in many instances, this is the right attitude. But there is something to be said about taking a break after a breakup.
When you’ve ended a difficult marriage or relationship, you may feel like putting yourself back out there and start dating again. But here are some reasons why it’s best to stay single for a while:
The longer and bigger the relationship, the more events and feelings you’ll need to process. Dating is a great distraction from your feelings, and that is exactly why you need to remain single for a while. It’s important to process all of your feelings regarding the relationship and the breakup. Ignoring your feelings will only cause them to fester.
Every heartbreak in life is an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson. Now is the time for you to think about what went wrong in the relationship and why? What was your part in it? What could you have done better? How will you choose your next partner based on your experiences?
Failure to truly understand your relationship history will only cause you to make the same exact mistakes.
You can either bring an excessive amount of emotional baggage to your next relationship, or you can bring a new version of you that is whole and healthy and vital. Now is the time to nurture yourself and your passions. What hobbies have you been ignoring because of your broken relationship? Have you been wanting to take a night class? Learn a new language or travel more? The more time you spend on yourself now to grow as a human being, the more you will have to offer that next Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Breakups are never easy, but they are often a part of life. The key is to not rush into the next relationship but take some time to reflect on the one that just ended. What can you learn and how can you grow?
