Libby's Place, Inc.
With movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp, more attention has been given to sexual misconduct and harassment in the workplace and world in general. If you are the target of a coworker’s sexist behavior or comments, here’s how you can address it in a professional yet clear manner: Find Your Voice While I know it seems […]
With movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp, more attention has been given to sexual misconduct and harassment in the workplace and world in general. If you are the target of a coworker’s sexist behavior or comments, here’s how you can address it in a professional yet clear manner:
Find Your Voice
While I know it seems unlikely, there is always the small chance a coworker may not know the remarks he sometimes makes are viewed as sexist or negative in any way. In other words, they’re more ignorant or lacking self-awareness than they are a purposeful aggressor. Be sure to speak up and share your thoughts and feelings, letting the offender know his offensive behavior is not appreciated. While you may feel anger or other strong feelings inside, try to be a bigger person than your coworker. Instead of using an outburst (as warranted as it may feel), focus on clear communication as a first step toward resolving the issue.
Treat the Guilty Party Like a Child
Often the guilty party is not an evil person hellbent on making your life miserable. They are simply thoughtless and have a different point of view as you. When they let a sexist comment fly or act inappropriately, try to react as you would to a misbehaving child who doesn’t have the context to understand his own actions. Don’t get mad – point out the behavior, make it clear it is unacceptable, and move on with business like the professional you are.
Say “No” More
Are you often asked to take notes during a meeting or be the one to go for the coffee and muffin run? Does it feel like this is because your mostly-male coworkers think those kinds of tasks are women’s work?
It is your right to say ‘no’ more often. For example, you can say something like, “I took notes the last couple of meetings, how about Frank does it this week?” or “I’m happy to be a team player, as I’m sure all of you are, so how about someone else get the coffee this week as I’ve done it the past three times.” Again, it’s important to speak calmly and factually.
Document Everything
It’s possible that all of your efforts may do little to dissuade the guilty party or parties. In these instances, it’s important that you document all the offensive incidents, what was said and by whom, and the day and date. Make copies for yourself and head to HR with a copy.
Follow Up
If no ramifications or corrections of behavior occur, follow up with your HR department to determine what measures they plan to take. Stay the course and see it through to the end to make sure the message is clear – that message being sexist comments and behavior will NOT be tolerated.
If you are a victim of sexual misconduct and would like to speak to someone about it, please be in touch. I would be happy to discuss how I might be able to help.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/minding-memory/201712/sexual-harassment-in-the-workplace
https://www.newsweek.com/seven-practical-ways-combat-workplace-sexism-feminist-fight-club-498751
When we’re school aged, it’s easy to make friends. But as adults, women can sometimes feel on-guard around other women, especially in the workplace, and friendships can be harder to foster. Not only does this lack of friendship make going to work each day feel more challenging, but studies have found friendships, or a lack […]
When we’re school aged, it’s easy to make friends. But as adults, women can sometimes feel on-guard around other women, especially in the workplace, and friendships can be harder to foster. Not only does this lack of friendship make going to work each day feel more challenging, but studies have found friendships, or a lack of friendships, has a big impact on our overall health and well-being.
Here are some ways you can foster real friendships with other women at work.
Make it a Priority
It’s easy to tell yourself you’d like to make friends with the women you work with but following up on that impulse takes real effort. The journey of friendship is one you must commit to and nurture. Ask a coworker to lunch, compliment someone on the fine job she did, and invite others into the discussions you are leading. Each day make it a priority to build a closer relationship with the women you work with.
Focus on Quality Not Quantity
Depending on how many female coworkers you have, you most likely won’t be able to make real and lasting friendships with all of them, and that’s okay. This is not a popularity contest where you try to get everyone to like you. This is about seeking out women with whom you have a connection and putting in the effort to form a lasting bond.
Expect Some Rejection
The truth is, there’s not a whole lot of difference between romantic dating and platonic “dating.” You may feel a connection with another woman at work and ask her out to lunch. She may say no and say it again and again.
Don’t let any form of rejection stop your efforts. Just as no one at work really knows your inner life and feelings, you don’t know anyone else’s. Some women may simply be in a bad space in their life and don’t have the energy to connect with a new person. That’s okay. Move on and keep trying. Eventually you will make a true and lasting connection.
Keep the Momentum Going
Once you’ve had that initial lunch or get-together, keep the momentum going. Building a relationship is like building a fire. It takes a bit of work to get that kindling to catch, but once it does, the bigger flames come.
Like anything else in life, friendships require our time and attention, but when you consider the value and meaning they bring to our life, they are worth the extra effort.
If you’re looking for some expert guidance on navigating the unique stressors of your work or personal life, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Sources:
https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/03/04/women-report-increased-discrimination-from-workplace-queen-bees/133258.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/working-btches/201308/why-are-some-women-nasty-other-women
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult
Having a baby is one of the most amazing and awesome events in a person’s life. Babies bring joy and laughter into the house. But the reality is, they also bring sleepless nights and inevitable and irreversible change. Having a baby also brings changes to a woman’s body. During pregnancy and right after, a woman […]
Having a baby is one of the most amazing and awesome events in a person’s life. Babies bring joy and laughter into the house. But the reality is, they also bring sleepless nights and inevitable and irreversible change.
Having a baby also brings changes to a woman’s body. During pregnancy and right after, a woman will experience shifts in her hormones. This may cause her to feel some depression and anxiety. This is a perfectly natural response to the event and is called having the “baby blues.”
But how do you tell if what you are experiencing is the “baby blues” or postpartum depression (PPD)?
As I mentioned, the baby blues is a very normal reaction. While the symptoms of anxiety and depression don’t feel good, they are mild and typically only last about two weeks.
Should symptoms worsen or last longer than two weeks, a new mother is considered to have PPD and encouraged to seek care and guidance from a mental health professional.
You may be surprised to learn that rates of depression among new fathers are very similar to those among new mothers. While male depression and anxiety are not a result of fluctuating hormones, their experience is very real.
One of the best ways new parents can cope with the initial baby blues is to find support from friends and family. This is particularly true when the couple has had their first child. This support will ensure both mom and dad can get some much-needed rest in those first few weeks. After this time, they will have gotten their “sea legs” and feel a bit more confident with their parenting instincts.
It’s also important that both parents try and eat right during this time. Try not to rely solely on fast food and other processed food items that may give you a quick burst of “fake” energy, only to have your energy and mood crash later. And it’s important to also take a bit of exercise. This will keep your body feeling good and help the release of natural “feel-good” endorphins.
And finally, it may help to speak with a therapist. He or she can help you navigate your strong emotions and offer strategies to cope with being new parents.
If you or someone you know is a new parent and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may help.
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Having children is one of the greatest gifts and joys in life. However, carrying those children for 9 months can sometimes really be a pain. Literally! Pregnant women deal with a variety of aches and pains leading up to their delivery date. They often must contend with back pain, hip pain, pelvic pain, and headaches. […]
Having children is one of the greatest gifts and joys in life. However, carrying those children for 9 months can sometimes really be a pain. Literally!
Pregnant women deal with a variety of aches and pains leading up to their delivery date. They often must contend with back pain, hip pain, pelvic pain, and headaches. While some women simply grin and bear the pain, assuming it’s just a part of being pregnant, other women have turned toward chiropractic care to find relief.
The American Pregnancy Organization defines chiropractic care as, “… a process that helps maintain the “spinal column, discs, and related nerves” in perfect health. The practice also focuses on maintaining bone geometry.”
Using various techniques, a chiropractor is able to perform adjustments to put misaligned joints back where they belong, thereby relieving associated pain and discomfort. But beyond relieving the common aches and pains of pregnancy, there are some other wonderful benefits chiropractic offers pregnant women:
Chiropractic has been shown to help reduce labor and delivery time. Evidence has shown women who have received chiropractic care during their pregnancy may experience shorter labor times. Furthermore, chiropractic care has been shown to potentially reduce the time spent in labor by as much as 2 hours! So, whether it’s your first child or third child, chiropractic can help you spend less time in labor and delivery.
Attending regular chiropractic appointments during pregnancy can dramatically lower your chances of cesarean delivery. One of the most common reasons for C-sections is because the baby cannot align its own body into an optimal delivery position because of intrauterine constraints. Using various techniques, chiropractors can make adjustments to assure that your baby is in the optimal position, readying him or her for birth.
Yes. The American Pregnancy Organization says chiropractic care is very safe. And, you will find that some chiropractors specialize in areas such as prenatal and postnatal care. So if you are interested in receiving chiropractic during your pregnancy, you can always look for a specialist in your area.
And speaking of being in the area, if you are nearby and would like to explore treatment options, please give our office a call or stop in to schedule a free consultation.
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One of the serious issues women face in life is sexism; sadly, we’re not taught how to see it, react to it, or correct it. For heterosexual women, sexism is a problem they will likely face throughout their relationships. Being raised in a patriarchal society, women are taught that they are inferior to men through […]
One of the serious issues women face in life is sexism; sadly, we’re not taught how to see it, react to it, or correct it. For heterosexual women, sexism is a problem they will likely face throughout their relationships. Being raised in a patriarchal society, women are taught that they are inferior to men through countless direct and indirect cultural and societal cues.
Even if you were raised in a feminist household, you still grew up in a society where men are predominantly the ones in power; they are even largely in control of what you can and can’t do with your own body.
As a heterosexual woman, you may sometimes feel unease with your partner’s comments or behavior, and you may wonder how to address these issues without driving a wedge between the two of you.
First, it’s important to note that your partner also grew up in a patriarchal society. More than likely, your partner is not purposely trying to oppress, control, or offend you. For him, this is just “how things are,” it’s neither good nor bad. It’s up to you to identify the specific problems, and articulate how it affects you and your relationship with your partner.
There are several issues in relationships that must be navigated, such as sex, finances, housework, meals, and disagreements, among others. When problems surface that you believe are rooted in antiquated gender roles, for example you are always expected to prepare meals, challenge those expectations. Let them know that cooking and meal preparation needs to be equally divided.
When addressing sexist comments and discussing the issue of sexism, it’s important use a tone and language that your partner will respond best to. You know your partner well, so do your best to remain factual and sincere while being diplomatic. It will be awkward to discuss, but keep in mind that your relationship needs to be a strong and equal partnership. You should both feel comfortable talking to each other about problems in order for your relationship to succeed.
While these discussions are never easy, how your partner reacts to these difficult topics will tell you everything you need to know about their character. It’s vital to the success of your relationship, and to your mental health, that you’re able to negotiate mutual respect and understanding with your partner.
Are you in a relationship and having trouble communicating with your partner? Our specially trained staff can help you find ways to improve communication and better your relationship. Call our office today to set up a time to talk.
The birth of a child is a wondrous and glorious thing. Until you bring that baby home and are responsible for keeping it alive on zero sleep for weeks and weeks. Add to this already trying scenario is the hormonal cocktail the new mother is living with and you understand why some new mothers don’t […]
The birth of a child is a wondrous and glorious thing. Until you bring that baby home and are responsible for keeping it alive on zero sleep for weeks and weeks. Add to this already trying scenario is the hormonal cocktail the new mother is living with and you understand why some new mothers don’t feel so blissful.
While it’s normal for every new mother to feel some stress and irritability in the weeks after giving birth, it is estimated that 9 to16 percent of moms, through no fault of their own, will experience postpartum depression (PPD).
What makes some women more susceptible to PPD than others? It is believed that a combination of things including hormones, genetics, predisposition, support (or lack of), and stress all create a perfect storm to experience PPD.
As if experiencing PPD isn’t hard enough, there are actually a few myths surrounding the condition that can make a new mother feel even worse. Let’s dispel those myths right now:
PPD can actually start while a woman is still pregnant. In fact, it is believed that in 50% of moms experiencing PPD, the symptoms began during pregnancy.
In those instances where PPD does begin after a new mother has given birth, it is not uncommon for symptoms to begin well beyond the first four weeks. This can often take the new mother by surprise.
The truth is, there is an entire collection of postpartum illnesses besides PPD that a woman may experience such as postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, and rarely, but sometimes experienced postpartum psychosis. These are all challenging disorders new moms experience.
Now let’s take a look at some of the common symptoms of PPD so you know what to be aware of.
Not every woman will experience every symptom. But if you are experiencing any of these it’s important that you get help. PPD is very treatable, so it’s important that you recognize the signs, understand that you’re not a bad mother, and reach out for the help you need.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you during this time.
SOURCES:
As spiritual exercises like meditation and yoga rise in popularity, the concept of mantras has become more familiar. A mantra is a phrase you use in meditation to help you focus and create an intent that will be a positive driving force in your life. As you repeat the mantra during meditation, either out loud […]
As spiritual exercises like meditation and yoga rise in popularity, the concept of mantras has become more familiar. A mantra is a phrase you use in meditation to help you focus and create an intent that will be a positive driving force in your life. As you repeat the mantra during meditation, either out loud or in quiet thought, you’re planting a seed in your mind that will grow as you continue to nurture it through consistent meditation practices. Mantras can be very powerful tools used to help you gain confidence and calm anxieties in all areas of your life.
For many women, the workplace continues to be a stressful, complicated arena. Women continue to face discrimination and gender bias, struggling to get ahead while maintaining a pay gap of 24 cents on the dollar compared to men. Pregnancy discrimination, sexual harassment, and many other issues plague the working woman on a daily basis. While you may be unable to change your workplace, you can change how you perceive and react to challenging circumstances.
This is where you can use mantras to ignite your personal power, and give yourself confidence and peace of mind at work. You can use the mantras in this article, tailor them to suit you personally, or create ones of your own. Use the mantras during meditation in the morning before work.
First, find a quiet place to sit with your arms resting at your side, your palms face up on your lap; make sure you don’t lie down. Give yourself 10 to 15 minutes to meditate. If you’re very busy or pressed for time, even five minutes is sufficient. If you’re unfamiliar with how to meditate, there are apps you can download for your smartphone or tablet to help guide you through different meditations; just search for “meditation” in the App Store. You can also search YouTube for “meditations” and try the guided meditations available there for free.
Here are examples of mantras you can use to help you feel empowered in the workplace:
• I am strong, I am intelligent, I am capable.
• I am worthy.
• Taking care of myself is my top priority.
• I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to.
• I am focused on doing my best.
It’s important to recognize that our internal dialogue must always be under control. Negative thoughts about others, our situation, or ourselves can make a bad situation much worse. By using mantras to enforce positive thoughts, you can maintain a positive attitude at work in the face of adversity, and keep negative self-talk at bay.
Are you struggling in the workplace, and in need of support and guidance to help you advance in your career? We can help. Call our office today to set up an appointment with one of our specially trained staff.
News of pregnancy always comes with mixed emotions. For most couples, there is immediate joy, but that joy is also usually mixed with a bit of worry. And this worry isn’t for nothing as, sadly, one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage. While miscarriages are all-too-common, it doesn’t make dealing with grief and sadness […]
News of pregnancy always comes with mixed emotions. For most couples, there is immediate joy, but that joy is also usually mixed with a bit of worry. And this worry isn’t for nothing as, sadly, one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
While miscarriages are all-too-common, it doesn’t make dealing with grief and sadness any easier for anyone involved. It can be very difficult for us to know how to respond to a friend or loved one who has recently experienced a miscarriage.
As a therapist, I have worked with many couples who have experienced a pregnancy loss and I have learned appropriate ways to interact with them during their time of grief.
The majority of miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. This is when the baby is referred to as, medically speaking, an “embryo.” To the grieving parents, this is much more than an end to an embryo, it is the death of a son or daughter who they have perhaps been trying so hard to have for many years. There are far too many emotions involved in miscarriage and it’s important to always keep a fuller picture in mind.
Many women feel guilty after a miscarriage. They assume they have done something wrong. Science doesn’t really understand why miscarriages happen. A woman may take excellent care of her health and still experience a miscarriage. It’s important to reassure her that she has done nothing wrong. It’s equally important to let her know that it is okay to grieve.
Mothers-to-be, for obvious reasons, get all of the attention after a miscarriage. But both male and female partners of these women are hurting as well. Not only have they been hit with the initial loss, but they must also summon extra strength and keep things together while their partner grieves.
If you or a loved one has suffered a miscarriage and would like to speak to someone about your loss and to work through the grieving process, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may help.
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If you belong to the BIOPC community and suffer from poor mental health, you’re not alone. In the United States, there are over 15 million indigenous people and people of color that report struggling with mental health issues. Sadly, these people often face roadblocks to seeking the help they need. 1. It’s Seen as a […]
If you belong to the BIOPC community and suffer from poor mental health, you’re not alone. In the United States, there are over 15 million indigenous people and people of color that report struggling with mental health issues. Sadly, these people often face roadblocks to seeking the help they need.
Very often people in the BIOPC community stop themselves from getting the help they need because there is a cultural or social stigma within their group. As an example, in some BIOPC communities, seeking treatment is a sign that you are “crazy” and in other cases “weak.”
Oftentimes, people within the BIOPC community do not speak English. Unless you live in a large, urban area where other languages may be spoken by practicing clinicians, it can be challenging finding a provider who will speak your language.
And, according to the American Psychological Association, 86% of psychologists in the U.S. are White. This means it can be challenging to find a provider who understands your culture and background and the specific challenges you face.
If you cannot find a provider in your area that is of the same race, it is recommended that you ask prospective mental health providers about their training and background to get a sense of whether you’d feel comfortable working with them or not. You can ask things like:
3. A Lack of Available Resources
People within the BIOPC community often have a lack of access to proper resources where they can even learn about mental health and what they may be experiencing. The National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) is a great resource to take advantage of and to share with other members of your community.
If you are suffering from a mental health issue such as depression, PTSD or anxiety and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I have had cultural competence training and always make it a point to incorporate my BIOPC clients’ values and culture into our treatment plan.
RESOURCES:
Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up […]
Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up in households that were unsafe and unstable, and where there was a constant invasion of personal boundaries.
If you can relate, chances are you have a hard time creating healthy boundaries to create the life experience you wish to have. Here are some ways you can begin to do so:
You can’t set boundaries unless you discover where it is you personally stand. You’ll need to take a bit of time to recognize what you can and cannot tolerate. What makes you happy and what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed? Only until you have made these discoveries can you move on to the next steps.
People who have similar communication styles are easy to engage with. These people will quickly understand what your new barriers are. But people who have a different cultural background or personality may not easily understand your boundaries. With these people, it’s important to be very clear and direct.
People who have a hard time setting boundaries don’t often allow themselves to acknowledge their own feelings because they’re usually too busy worrying about everyone else’s.
You’ll need to start recognizing how people make you feel in order to know whether your new boundaries are being crossed or not. When you’re with someone, make mental notes, or even jot down in a journal how that interaction made you feel.
If, after spending time with someone, you feel anger or resentment, this is a sign that the person may be overstepping your boundaries. Reiterate to this person what your boundaries are. If they continue to disrespect you and them, you will want to cut yourself away from further interactions.
Put yourself and your needs first. This may feel strange and even somehow wrong if you’ve spent your entire life taking care of others. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings and get what you need to feel happy and well.
If you’ve spent an entire life with a sense of low self-worth, you may find setting boundaries quite difficult. In this case, it’s important to speak with a therapist that can help you discover where these feelings are coming from and how to change your thought patterns and behavior.
If you’d like to explore therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to help you on your journey toward self-care.
